Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize