you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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