An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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