Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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