im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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