did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize