Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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