I should be sponsored by Trojan
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize