Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize