Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
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