i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
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Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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