i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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