I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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