I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
50% drunk capacity currently
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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