So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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