I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
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Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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