My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize