Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
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