I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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