I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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