Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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