how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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