dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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