Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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