remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
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What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
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She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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