Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
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He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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