UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
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You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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