OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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