apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You were trust falling into bushes
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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