Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i will never coherently bang her
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize