Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize