I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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