Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize