I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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