He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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