Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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