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I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
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