Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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