My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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