we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize