Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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