It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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