i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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