walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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