He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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