Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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