i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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