This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
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story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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