I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize