we have pet lesbian snakes
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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